A Letter to Those Seeking Clarity and Support as a Relationship Comes to an End

For a decade, I have belonged to a body of work that is constantly impacting our world in beautiful ways: Transformative Relationship Coaching.  My brilliant teacher and mentor, Katherine Woodward Thomas, my admirable colleagues, and I are continuously engaged in serving clients and students in ways that bring forth more authentic love into the world.

I am usually at a loss of words regarding how happy, grateful, and blessed I feel to belong to this tribe. Today is no exception.

Recently, we were asked to update our bios for the Conscious Uncoupling Coaches Directories. For me, it is usually a daunting task to use the limited allotted word count to include credentials plus a clear message of what is possible. It is really hard to restrain myself when the words just want to emerge and flow.

This time, I decided to begin the process by avoiding to restrain myself.  Instead, I chose to begin by writing an open letter to the people out there who could be the right clients for me.   

It was a beautiful process. Such a joy to sit down in my office with pen and paper and reach out to unknown souls to let them know that there is hope… And that there is also adequate guidance and support available to them.

From that initial writing I then created and submitted a shorter version for the Directory. That was also edited before they became what you now read here.

This week, sorting through some papers I found the original letter I wrote to internally connect with those seeking clarity and support as a relationship comes to an end. Immediately, I felt like I wanted to share what emerged. Perhaps, someone may need to read it as is. Here it goes…

Dear one,

I want you to know that you are not alone at this time that feels like the end of the world.

It is not the end of THE world, and it is the end of A world. A world where being in a romantic partnership with your former beloved is complete.

You may still feel love and that is wonderful. No need to let go of it- but to honor and express it in the ways that are adequate to do so now.

Things have changed and change brings opportunities- even when devastation precedes it. Destruction precedes creation.

And it can be painful. Breathing may be hard. Despair a familiar state.

Confusion. Disappointment. Betrayal. It can all be part of the mix.

It can be dark, lonely, and hopelessness can set in.

There might be guilt, shame, and great fear.

There may be nothing to look forward to.

Nothing makes sense.

It is unchartered territory.

And what about the children? Oh, my goodness! What will happen to them?

Will they be broken forever? Will they hate me? Leave me? Forgive me? Trust themselves or even believe in love again?

Will you forgive yourself for causing this to them? Will you forgive your partner for causing this to them?

It is a nightmare. And one you can wake up from.

One you can rewrite. At least some parts of it.

You are part of this unfolding, and your choices have an impact on how things are going to unfold.

Are you willing to use your power consciously and seek to make things better than they would if you stayed unconscious and asleep?

You can wake up. Connect with your core values, with your wise mind and your loving heart.

You can be vulnerable, wholesome, wholehearted, and strategic. You can make the best lemonade you can.

What is the cost of not doing it? What is the gift of doing it? It is everything.

I’ve been there. I have been there as a child of divorced parents, and I have been there as a spouse with children. And this is what I know.

And yes, there are times when things can still work out. And doing the Conscious Uncoupling Program can help you identify if this could be your case. Or it will help you clarify if its really time to part ways.

There is no shame in that. You have not failed.

Your relationship may be complete in that form. And may be ready to become something else that can even have its own noble purpose.

It is a deep journey of personal discovery that is intense and also rewarding.

It will require the best of you. And it will gift you in unexpected ways.

We can do this step by step.

I will be there for you, and you will love me for it.

Amen.